As a little girl, all I ever wanted to be was like my mother. I wanted to be a wife and a mother, to cook and care for my family, and to live happily ever after. She was a great cook and always had something for us to eat, and she was always at home when we got home from school. She made all holidays and birthdays special. My mother was loved by all. She was always nice to people, even those who had persecuted her in the past.
Well, I ended being forced into the work world, because of divorce, due to some bad decisions, and my depression. I had no skills for very well paying jobs, and no college education.
I began my "long road of destiny", and I survived from "crisis to crisis". I moved continually. As soon as I painted and fixed up our home, my ex would sell it, and no he did not even consult me on it. He treated me more like his "whore" and "maid", than a wife. That story is a long one, and for another post.
I am 27 years in sobriety and finally have some semblance of serenity. I live by my twelve step program for living, with Jesus as my "higher power".
I have learned that Jesus has plans for my life, and I have to adjust my "expectations" of what I want out of life, to what Jesus wants me to have.
I wanted to have a good job when I finished college in 2011, so that I could support my family and donate to my church, but Jesus had other plans for me.
I cared for my elderly mother for six years up until she passed in 2012.
I am caring for my Disabled husband. I hate being broke, but I love staying at home.
In other words, today I have learned by lots of prayer and "footwork" to seek God's will for me, instead of my will for me, then whatever happens is God's will for me. God did not tell me what His will was for me, but to just have faith and believe in Him. "Be still and know that I am God".
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